Kudos & Kvetch: Determining weekly Guesspert picks involves multiple variables
by JEAN L. KAESS
Sep 14, 2011 | 2793 views | 0 0 comments | 14 14 recommendations | email to a friend | print
Before the questions begin, let me tell you now that I will always pick against Central Catholic in Guessperts.

Don’t light your torches yet.

When Central had its best seasons, I was picking against them. When they went to the Superdome, I picked their opponents all season.

CCHS, if you want to win I have to pick against you. Sorry.

During those seasons, I also won the newspaper’s Jeff Clemons Memorial Sac-a-lait Award “for Really Crappie Prognostication.” I use this trophy, which has a golden fish on top, to hold my headphones. It sits on my computer tower, and, to be honest, I need this trophy — so much so that I have hijacked it from last year’s winner and put it on my desk. It’s sort of a tradition.

Plus, the irony of getting a trophy for being in last place is just too good to pass up.

I expect to be in the “Chick Zone” of Guessperts — as Sports Editor Scott Joiner and Reporter Geoff Stoute call it — all year. (I’m renaming it the Chic Zone, by the way.)

If you’ve been playing along for the last couple of weeks, then you know that this zone is essentially the bottom of the standings. Joiner says that the number of places in the Chic Zone is equivalent to the number of females in the running for Guessperts champion.

Insert your image here of little old ladies smacking him with their purses as he walks down the street.

However, my loyalties will keep me in the Chic Zone.

I will always pick Morgan City. It’s not a secret that the school hasn’t had a winning season in something like 20 years.

MCHS, if you guys have a winning season, I’ll eventually have to try to win the big trophy that first place Guessperts receive.

It’s actually called the “Frank Sita Memorial ‘Gruel Bowl’,” and it actually has a bowl on top.

Come to think of it, I could use it to hold my headphones and change!

MCHS only “won” one game in my senior year, and that was the one that Franklin had to forfeit to them. Even though that is a bad thing, I will remain loyal.

I’m a third generation graduate of MCHS, and my daughter is the fourth. That kind of makes us loyal. My name is even inscribed somewhere in that parking lot.

Don’t feel bad though, Berwick. I usually pick you guys too. My son goes to school at the junior high. I know a lot of those youngsters, and my daughter used to attend Berwick schools.

Plus, you guys keep me in the Guessperts cellar.

That was a joke, y’all. Please don’t shun me or go burn down my house.

Speaking of Berwick sports, when my daughter was younger and someone would ask me if she played softball, they would look at me like I had three heads when I replied in the negative. I had to explain that, even though she lived in Berwick, she grew up in Morgan City. That made it ok.

Don’t think I forgot about Patterson football.

PHS, you guys rock. You may not help my Chic Zone residency, but I’m picking you every week.

No two ways about it — those kids are beasts on the football field.

As for the rest of my picks, I will always pick the Saints. Through good and bad seasons I have been and will always be a fan.

I’m not happy about Jeremy Shockey being gone though. In fact, I’m still mourning the loss and can be seen wearing my No. 88 gear in his memory. I really haven’t seen enough yet to pick whose number will be on my new Saints jersey.

The rest of the pro teams are hit or miss for me, but if Joiner ever puts the Ravens or the Broncos on the list, then you know whom I’ll be picking.

As for the college teams, forget it. I know nothing and have no loyalties. I pick the team that resides in a place I’d like to visit.
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